i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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