she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
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Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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