I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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