I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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