Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
