4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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