I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
