I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
