Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
