Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed