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I skipped work to stalk him.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
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