i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?