I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
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you inspire me to be a worse person
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
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All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix