I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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