you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
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We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.