Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
