I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize