so explain again why im purple
no
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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