remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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