I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
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He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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