I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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