On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
