we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi