After last night, I could never be a politician.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
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if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?