Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.