Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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