they need to just BURY HIM!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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