I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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