I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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