make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
