I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
