6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
