she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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