where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
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Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
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We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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