party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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