In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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