I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
