My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
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He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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