i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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