i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
