then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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