things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize