i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office