I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
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I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
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I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook