I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?