Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea