I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.