omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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