It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment