Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
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it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
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I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday