Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
