I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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