I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize