had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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