Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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