She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
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Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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