and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.