you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?