make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
even my farts smell like vagina
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
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after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.