I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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