i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize