he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
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She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
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Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.