I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.