He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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