We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
