I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
